I HEARD YOU ON YOUR CELL PHONE

Outside Target Center

2012-02-01T13:23:00.001-06:00

"You won't be laughing when Sparky's driving a fucking minivan."

IDS Center

2012-02-01T13:22:00.001-06:00

"Fuck the Department of Transportation."

Block E Skyway

2012-02-01T13:20:00.003-06:00

"I forgot what I was going to say..."
"Oh, I remember..."
"Yeah, yeah she's a sanctimonious bitch."

Target Checkout

2011-12-21T14:56:00.002-06:00

"I'm all heated."
"At Target trying not to cuss no one out."
"At Target."
"At yo job."
"Yeah...um...um...um...$80 limit."
"EVERY CENT!"
"What song?"
"I SAID, what song?"

IDS Center

2011-12-16T10:40:00.000-06:00

"No, those are salt water fish."

City Center Skyway

2011-12-16T10:37:00.002-06:00

"What you fail to recognize is that the world doesn't revolve around yo ass."
"What's that got to do with it?"
"You DAMN right I'm a woman."
"Shit."

Downtown Target

2011-12-16T10:30:00.001-06:00

"I'm on my way to the fucking Byerly's, okay?"

Hennepin Avenue

2011-12-16T10:28:00.001-06:00

"Walking down Hennepin...this bitch...this fucking bitch...this fucking BLACK bitch...you can't believe it...I'm spaced the fuck out on it and shit."

First Avenue

2011-12-16T10:26:00.001-06:00

"She's only two. She's a dumb ass."

First Avenue & 5th Street

2011-03-24T18:19:00.001-05:00

"You betta call a lawyer cuz I'm gonna keel dat bitch."

Lumber Exchange Building Skyway

2011-02-11T16:17:00.006-06:00

"You should just meet me up in the fuckin' skyway somewhere!"
"Right now!"
"Right now."
"Don't care...it's...it's......it's fuckin'..."
"It's fuckin' cold!"
"I ain't tryin' to be all outside nowhere!"
"Right now"
"Shit."

::hangs up::

"Shit."

The Loon Cafe

2010-10-06T14:21:00.002-05:00

"Well...We're going skinny dipping, so, I'll fuck you then. Yeah. Wet."

IDS Center Skyway

2010-10-06T14:14:00.002-05:00

"Let the ass-rapings BEGIN!"

Ramp C Elevator

2010-09-01T14:05:00.004-05:00

"Is your dad there I need to talk to him."
"Yeah, did Nate get ahold of you?"
"Nate."
"Oh yeah, Steve. Did Steve get ahold of you?"
"When's he coming?"
"A.M.?!!"
"Fuck."
::hangs up phone::

North Memorial Medical Center

2010-09-01T14:04:00.001-05:00

"I been knowin' dat shit fo years!"

North Memorial Medical Center

2010-09-01T13:54:00.002-05:00

(In elevator filled with children)

"She ain't havin' no baby...she ain't even...she sleep!"
"Full of all them drugs...I told her...now baby sleep and shit."
"Usually you dilate to three - then straight up to seven - then boom."
"Naw, she sleep."
"Fuck. Aye, aye, aye, yeah."

::starts to walk out of elevator::

"Wha? Shit. Oh. This ain't even my flo. I'm on the next flo. Hahahahaha!!!
"Peace, girl."

North Memorial Medial Center

2010-09-01T13:49:00.002-05:00

"I got an envelope in my muthafuckin' back pocket with my muthafuckin' name on it."
"Dat muthafucka got him a fifth-degree assault on it."
"Can't be up dat building sittin' on a fifth!"
"Not like dat!"
"Shit."
"Shit."
"Shit."
"Fuck."

Downtown Target

2010-07-08T11:27:00.002-05:00

"Sorry about that, man. I'm sorry, man. Had a gland swell up in the back of my jaw... Is it covered? Shit, I don't know!"

4th Street & First Avenue

2010-06-28T14:32:00.003-05:00

"Hello....Nope....Didn't even check it....Nope....I never check your messages....You're a douche..."

Potbelly Sandwich Shop

2010-06-11T10:30:00.001-05:00

"That's what happens when you fight a bitch who ain't never been in a fight before. Yah. Crazy shit."

Outside Kieran's Irish Pub

2010-06-11T10:28:00.001-05:00

"Can you believe that bitch is still living in Wisconsin?"

Outside The 508 Bar

2010-05-26T14:50:00.001-05:00

"Yeah, but, you've had horrible teeth for years."

Nicollet Mall

2010-03-30T11:16:00.000-05:00

"I loooooooooooooove Panera!"

Perkins Family Restaurant

2010-03-05T10:50:00.005-06:00

"I don't care."
"Don't tell anyone."
"I had to leave."
"Bobby's kid was a complete pain in the ass."
"Bobby Jr."
"Had to get out of there."
"Yeah, bye."

::Hangs up phone::

"Cocksucker."

Outside Target Center

2010-03-05T10:44:00.006-06:00

::Man standing next to his luggage, yelling::

"Well when you say on the phone you're going to pick me up, and you DON'T show up to pick me up, that means you FUCKED up!"
"There's no other way to put it."
"There's no other way to put it."
"There's no other..."

Outside Ramp C

2010-02-18T10:01:00.000-06:00

"All I did was hit my sister in the face."

Outside Target Center

2010-02-16T13:03:00.000-06:00

"Fuck that. I'm a man. I have three pairs of shoes."

IDS Center Crystal Court

2010-01-13T10:30:00.003-06:00

"Wait. Who's they?"........ "Yeah, well, fuck they and all they bullshit."

Ramp C Elevator

2010-01-13T10:25:00.002-06:00

"I've just been relying on potions because my guy doesn't have wind yet. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Level 12."

Block E Skyway

2009-12-10T10:45:00.001-06:00

"The answer's really straight forward..."
"Well, if you don't want to hear it then FUCK you."

Downtown Target - Electronics Dept.

2009-12-10T10:41:00.002-06:00

"You learned a lot from Stan, didn't you?"
"Yes, you know, he wasn't a good man, really, but he was a decent man."
"Oh, exactly."

6th & Hennepin

2009-12-04T13:27:00.002-06:00

"HAAAA!"
"I'm a Gemini!"
"You don't even know what that means, huh, motherfucker?"
"That means I'm coming for your ass!"
"HAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Block E Skyway

2009-11-12T13:47:00.001-06:00

"Just shut the fuck up."

Outside Sawatdee

2009-11-12T13:44:00.001-06:00

"There's no mints!...I know, what kind of shit-hole restaurant is this?"

Nicollet Mall

2009-11-09T08:51:00.002-06:00

"tchicka-tchicka-tchicka-tchicka-tchicka-tchicka-tchicka-tchick"

1st Avenue & 3rd Street

2009-10-27T10:09:00.003-05:00

"First, I'm going to charge him twenty bucks for the gas. Then, I'm going to pickpocket another twenty because he's an asshole."

Somewhere in Hopkins

2009-10-22T13:18:00.001-05:00

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I could barely hear you. I was in some old building that used to make mattress handles."

Bryant Lake Bowl

2009-10-22T13:15:00.000-05:00

"You'll find him in the basement. His name is George."

Block E

2009-10-22T13:12:00.001-05:00

"A 44 cent stamp ain't going to cover a $500 deductible."

thanks to: Tim Blevins

Block E Skyway

2009-10-12T15:18:00.001-05:00

"Prince?...Yeah, love that paisley nigga."

Outside Block E Starbucks

2009-10-07T14:38:00.002-05:00

"I had to reschedule my whole fucking day so I could be in court and you could do fuck-all."

thanks to: Joel Stacy

Gaviidae Common

2009-10-07T14:02:00.007-05:00

"And that Denise...and that Denise...that bitch...she didn't give me no pills* neither. I don't care who you are, I'll kill a mutha fucka. Shit. Like dat bitch can't give up thirty or so pills*."

*pronounced peels.

Block E Skyway

2009-09-24T12:07:00.002-05:00

"I saw that, too! There's feces everywhere!"

Ridgedale Center

2009-08-30T15:23:00.002-05:00

"Who gives a shit how many kids that son of a bitch has? Shiiiit, I don't."

Block E Starbucks

2009-07-24T14:08:00.003-05:00

"...I'm a fucking rock star.....I fuck a lot of chicks.....yeah.....because I'm a fucking rock star."

4th & 1st Ave N

2009-07-15T09:41:00.002-05:00

"Not so much a hard blow. But just bring it up to a soft blow. Yes. Just bring it right up to a soft blow. Yes. Soft. Then wait, because my wife will show up soon."

Downtown Target

2009-07-15T09:39:00.001-05:00

"I'm pretty sure they know I don't have sex with men by now."

5th & Hennepin

2009-06-30T13:48:00.002-05:00

"Great. I'll call you on Thursday. What was your first name again? Whao! Okay. I guess I can try to remember that."

Brackett Park

2009-06-22T13:13:00.002-05:00

"We put a man on the moon but we can't get an IT guy down there!"

thanks to: Barrett Haroldson

Hennepin Avenue

2009-06-22T13:04:00.001-05:00

"If people are going to be showing up, then they need to shut the fuck up."

Bruegger's Bagels

2009-06-22T13:02:00.002-05:00

"...if you know what's good for you...there are over 143 sex offenders in my zip code...143!"

331 Club in Northeast

2009-06-19T10:15:00.003-05:00

"We met at a skatepark......in the women's bathroom."

Outside Target Center

2009-06-17T13:51:00.002-05:00

::Standing on corner holding cell phone out in front of face::

"YOU'RE A TOTAL FUCKING BITCH, BITCH!!!"

Somewhere in the Skyway

2009-06-17T13:45:00.003-05:00

"Okay, so we'll just pop in. Okay, so next week I'll be in town and we'll go over and just pop in. I'll see you next week. Yeah, we'll just pop in. Oh yeah, yep, yep...we'll just pop in."

Ramp C Elevator

2009-06-17T13:35:00.005-05:00

"...I'm in the elevator so I don't want to bore all these people with the details of this...Yah, yah, I don't think these people care ab...What? No, I'm just saying because I'm in the elevator...Now you're getting it."

::As the doors open, this perfect stranger looks over at me with a smile, winks and departs the elevator::

At Work

2009-06-12T09:58:00.007-05:00

"No no no no no no no don't order another drink! Don't order another drink. I'm leaving right now. Okay? Right now. Okay bye. Okay.....bye."

1st Avenue

2009-05-29T15:28:00.003-05:00

"Got a new video coming out next week. Yeah, it's called 'The Trickle.' I know. I love it too. Gonna rock."

IDS Crystal Court

2009-04-30T12:44:00.010-05:00

"Then I said, 'Okaaaaay,' and slowly backed away ..........yeah...........I know........total fuckin' freak."

1st Ave. & 4th St.

2009-04-24T12:54:00.003-05:00

"So, he answers the phone and he screams at me, 'I have a needle in a woman's stomach right now! What do you want?!?'"

5th & Hennepin

2009-04-13T09:58:00.002-05:00

"Oooooohhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhh! Fuck. Hell. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'll pick up day fuckin' shit my own damn self if it be dat mutha fuckin' good." Ya Heard!"

Outside The Loon

2009-03-09T15:05:00.003-05:00

"It was a really bad time in my life. My ex was a fucking douche. And to top it all off, I wasn't allowed to paint my fucking walls. I had white fucking walls!"

On First Avenue

2009-03-04T08:53:00.004-06:00

"Yeah...that guy...yeah...that guy...he's...he's never been very good about having clean hands... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Kickernick Building

2009-02-13T09:24:00.007-06:00

::Yelling inside lobby::

"STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE! STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE! NO! STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE! GET THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE!"

::He turns and follows me out. As I hold the door open, he calmly says::

"Thank you, Sir."

::Now outside, top of lungs::

"STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE! LOOOOOOOOOOK! GET OFF MY FUCKING PHONE! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! STAY THE MOTHER FUCK OFF MY FUCKING PHONE!"

Target Center Skyway

2009-02-11T14:48:00.002-06:00

"Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell you exactly what I need......you."
"Yes, you."

Outside Butler Square

2009-02-11T14:37:00.003-06:00

"No No No No No NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Gaviidae Common

2009-02-11T14:32:00.005-06:00

"What's happening is people are mistaking what actually happened with what really happened."

Ramp C Elevator

2009-01-22T09:25:00.005-06:00

"Well, yeah, it's warm there compared to the rest of the country."
"You're so fucking stupid, you...(finished sentence in fluent Spanish)"
"You pushed the wrong...(Spanish)...now it's erased!"
"Yeah, O.K... (Spanish)...It sure does fucking blow."
"(Spanish)...Emilia...(Spanish)... the record button ...(Spanish) ...yes (Spanish) ...no!"
"(Spanish)"

St. Josephs ER waiting room

2009-01-05T10:47:00.005-06:00

"Hello."
"NO, I'm outta town."
"I don't know, when I get there."
"I don't know, fuck off!"
"When I get there!"
::slams phone shut::

"Hello."
"I'm outta town."
"150 miles."
"NO, FUCK!"
"When I get there."
"I don't know, I'm outta town."
"Ugh, I don't have time to explain it to you."
::slams phone shut::

(man sitting with her):

"Hello?"
"No, we are out of town."
"About 150 miles."
"Oh, when we get there."
"Nope, we are outta town."
"When we get there."
"OK, fuck off."
::slams phone shut::

thanks to: Alison Beattie

DSW Shoe Store

2009-01-05T10:42:00.001-06:00

"Is he light-skinneded?"
"Marcus."
"Hey!"
"Is he light-skinneded?"
"Yeah, dat's him."

Runyon's

2008-12-19T14:04:00.002-06:00

"Technically, I don't think that's illegal."

Skyway near Target

2008-11-11T14:50:00.001-06:00

"I don't know.
No.
I don't know.
Oooh, soup sounds perfect.
I don't know.
We'll just pick up the kids and drive by when it's over."

Ramp C Elevator

2008-11-11T14:45:00.002-06:00

Woman in tears.

"If I ever did this to you, you'd never fucking forgive me...Now what am I supposed to do?"

thanks to: Alison Beattie

400 First Avenue

2008-10-31T13:06:00.000-05:00

"Who goes to a steak dinner to break up with someone?"

Nicollet Mall

2008-10-31T13:02:00.000-05:00

"John McCain crashed six aircrafts.
You hear what I'm tryin' to explain to you?
Whatever.
John McCain crashed five aircrafts."

Ramp C Elevator

2008-10-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

"You gonna have to ask that bitch."

IDS Center Skyway

2008-10-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

"Turn it off and on.
Turn it off and on.
Off and on.
Off and...
No...
Off...
Look, you're running out of time there little lady."

Macy's

2008-10-24T13:24:00.000-05:00

"mhm...mhm...oh,oh...oh. Goooood. Good"

Near Cuzzy's

2008-10-24T13:21:00.000-05:00

"That's the response I'm gone-get. It depends on what people be graduatin'."

Outside Rosen's

2008-10-24T13:17:00.000-05:00

"Nobody ain't stole my truck!"